Arranged Marriage

The paradox of arranged marriage

Here are a few quotes that reveal the paradox of arranged marriages-

“It was against all scientific reason for two people who hardly knew each other, with no ties at all between them, with different characters, different upbringings, and even different genders, to suddenly find themselves committed to living together, to sleeping in the same bed, to sharing two destinies that perhaps were fated to go in opposite directions.” 

― Gabriel García Márquez, Love in the Time of Cholera

“I do not care about power and wealth, father. I want to marry for love.”

“You want to marry for love?” The elder Valentino scoffed. “Que mierda. Marrying for love is like adding extra picante to your meal. It may seem like a good idea at the time, but your stomach will curse you for it with ulcers in the end.” 
― Felix Alexander, The Last Valentine

“Had my father loved my mother? He never spoke of her. I always imagined a traditional marriage between them--one built with the strong bones of respect, but stripped of the soft skin of love.” 
― Kay Honeyman, The Fire Horse Girl

“But how can she get married to a stranger? Just because his resume checked on all the materialistic criteria, it cannot demand the commitment of a lifetime.” 
― Swati Kumar, The Great Indian Dilemma

“Thanks to arranged marriages: There are countless women who have never been their husband's girlfriend.” 
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“Do couples in arranged marriage actually fall in love ; or is it mere compatibility ?” 
― Swati Kumar, The Great Indian Dilemma

“Our matriarchs had an interesting advantage over today's western women. Matriarchs didn't begin their marriage with love. Instead, they were taught how to love. They entered marriage with an earnest determination to grow a love that would sustain their marriage for a life time.
― Michael Ben Zehabe, Song of Songs The Book for Daughters

“That single moment's intensity hasn't been matched in my life before or since. A woman I didn't know had chosen to accept me, in body and mind. Perhaps it is this instant that forms the basis of traditional marriage—a complete stranger is suddenly mine. And then, I am hers, too; I must offer her my all. I want her to wield her power over me as an acknowledgment of my love. The rush of those feelings all at once is too much to describe. Language communicates in terms of what is already known; it chokes up when asked to deal with the entirely unprecedented.” 
― Vivek Shanbhag, Ghachar Ghochar

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Arranged Marriage Noun:: a marriage planned and agreed by the families or guardians of the couple concerned.

Arranged marriages still remain the most  preferred way for vast majority of Indians to enter into matrimony.

 Parents and other relatives decide on a suitable life partner keeping in mind the age, social status, caste, educational qualification, family dynamics, horoscope, physical appearance and so many other factors. It’s a tradition Indians find hard to part with.

 Even in the 21st Century, around 85 percent Indians prefer to marry the boy or girl chosen by their families, rather than choosing their life partners themselves, which sounds so unbelievable.

 This statistics was revealed in a survey conducted by the Taj Group of Hotels and another survey by IPSOS in 2013, revealed that 74% of young Indians, aged between 18-35 years admitted  that they would rather let their parents choose their life partners, than choosing themselves.

The success rates of these arranged marriages when compared to the figures concerning love marriages, points to the fact that sticking to traditions and listening to your parents is not so bad after all and can be cool as well.

Arranged marriages in India are long drawn out processes, where finalizing the perfect match may take months and even years.

A typical arranged marriage scenario involves that the parents decide every facet of the marriage process without consulting the prospective bride & groom in much detail.

 The parents send out words through that they are looking for a match for their child through their social circle (neighbors and relatives). The services of the local matchmaker may also be employed for this purpose.

 Traditionally the matchmaker is an individual who keeps a database of marriageable individual from the neighboring area. Once a match is established, the elders of the family first meet at a neutral place to talk and also to figure out the suitability of the match firsthand. In these meetings, the families try to judge the financial and cultural barometer of each other through direct or indirect talks.

5 Reasons that prove arranged marriages have their own merits

In today’s era of WhatsApp and Facebook, the idea of having an arranged marriage may seem repulsive, but the concept has surely been working pretty well for many couples in India.

Yes, the thought is old school, but it's logical to quite an extent and has its own merits over love marriages. So, if the thought of getting an arranged marriage sends shivers down your spine, this article is meant just for you!

Here are 5 pointers to justify that arranged marriages are just as cool as love marriages:

Expectation level is much lower

Since you don't know your spouse well enough, you take your time to understand them first and set your expectations level accordingly. This leads to a much stronger and pragmatic relationship in due course of time.

Your parents take care of everything and choose the best option for you

Our parents have for sure seen the world more than us and are definitely wiser when it comes to relationships. They know what it is like to live with another family and what all it takes for a marriage to work. Of course, your choice matters too and it is ultimately you who is going to take the final call, but support from parents makes things practical.

Imagine this - your family sends you on dates!

Yes, you no more have to hide or lie to your parents if you are going out on a date with your partner. In fact, it is they who send you out on a date. It's like 'wait… really… what... whoa!'

You guys are socially compatible

Since it is your families who have arranged the marriage, it is more likely that your social setup and cultural background are quite similar. Hence the couple tends to be socially compatible since you share almost the same upbringing, traditions, lifestyle, moral values, taste, etc. These common things help you strike a bond faster.

Your in-laws already love you!

Since it is the in-laws who have chosen you to be the eligible daughter/son-in-law, you are already a rock star in their eyes! Unlike love marriages, in arranged marriages the in-laws are more than willing to adjust with you, pamper you with their love and also go extra mile to make you feel comfortable at home.